What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 04:10
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
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Would this be the day?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
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We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
If a narcissist can't feel remorse, can they ever feel regret for an evil act after going to rehab?
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But ive been too sick for many years..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
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The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I was scared of men, in general
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
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Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Comes on , in middle age.
But, we were locked up after school.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She loved him until the end.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Do you think Trump is a bad a$$? Why or why not?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I waited trembling.
How did Kate Mulgrew feel about Jeri Ryan joining the cast of Star Trek: Voyager?
He knew the spot.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
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Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I have no regrets .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He resisted the act ,that day.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
It was going to be , some day.
All the time i was locked up.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Ive learnt so much.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I will be 64.
Was to survive, this bastard.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I was 9 years of age.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
She was in good health!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
This is soul school!.
So whats the point in blame.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Im still living with it.
But it wasn’t much.
I was seconnd youngest,
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I was very sick at this time too.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
As i do to all so called friends.?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
We all went to grammer schools
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Put me off passion for life!!
When she asked me how she looked .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
So, i spoilt her more .
My family never makes their pension either.
She wouldn,t have been !
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I never cut or harmed myself..
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I said to her
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Who then, do I blame.?
I think the readers, may guess!
I don,t even have a pension.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
She found it foreign!.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
One cannot live in the past .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She married twice! .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I could never make a relationship work though!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
We were not on the streets..
My life is so biszare .
I write beautiful poetry .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
What did i know ?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
And i lived it daily.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)